How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
