Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pants are for mortals
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
