It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my being single is dangerous.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
