I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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