He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
