So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
