having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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