Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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