There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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