You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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