My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
