Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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