At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
