I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
