awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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