when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
