I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
