so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
