how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My cat gives me a boner
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
