So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
