omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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