alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
