Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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