I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
