I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
