she looked like the before picture.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
