So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
