I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
