It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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