u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was born a porn star she said
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
