The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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