she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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