so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
