I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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