Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
