Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
