I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize