i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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