Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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