I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
