I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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