just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
