Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize