***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
