So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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