she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You took a bar mat shot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize