Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
