I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
