I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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