some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need a hoe opinion
go on
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
