I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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