I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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