I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
