I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize