whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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