That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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