She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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