When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We left an ass print on the piano.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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