i already hear my dad disowning me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Rumble strips road head = magical
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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