Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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