I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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