Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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