wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A bitchslap is in order.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
