Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
